I’m a trans woman. In September 2016, I was telling how I needed a new name on the Internet. What was underlying was that I, at the same time, beginning to decide for a new first name to adopt in life. So my name is Niléane. Nice to meet you.
I’ve achieved important steps since September 2016 and that post. I began to speak about my trans-identity to most of my friends and not-so-friends. I began to really want to move forward, as I realized it was actually possible not to stand motionless. I began to seek for information so as to start my transition. I found a doctor who allowed me to begin my hormone replacement therapy (HRT), in January 2017. And I’m only beginning to speak to my family.
Notice my phrases. “I began…”, “I began…”, “I’m beginning…”. Those are really important steps, yet they are only beginnings.
At the same time, I’m rediscovering my daily life constantly. I’m rediscovering my close friend’s kindness, who support me, each their own way. I’m rediscovering — again and again — the way strangers look at me. That evolves everyday, both for the worst and the best.
Getting a “Madame” from a stranger gives me a smile, and hope.
Actually, this rediscovery is mostly about how I’m rediscovering the way to look at myself. There are those days when I just cry seeing myself in the mirror. But then, there are also those other days when I’m so happy to be able to like what I’m seeing. So happy that I take pictures and share them with those who love me.
I began to need to express all these things again. Thank you to those who love me. And then, just as well, thanks to myself.